Sunday, November 11, 2012

Dear Alia,

Months ago, I received a wonderful message from someone who read my blog. Whether it was my main blog, or my spam blog, I am unsure, but I'm going to put this on both of them so that she sees it.

Dear Alia,

First off, sorry for taking so long to reply to you! You were nice enough to hunt down a way to contact me and I couldn't even bring myself to read your message until now. Honestly, for the past six months or so, every review I've received in my inbox has just been shuffled into another folder and neglected until I could work up the courage to reply. So, I apologize for waiting this long to get back to you.

Second, thank you for liking my stories so much. The ones that are finished, I worked hard on to put up, and the one that isn't (LFW), I hope will be completed soon.

A 'Bella in Wonderland' fic would be a great read, I agree with you there. Unfortunately, I must say that I've fallen out of love with the Twilight series. I've been working to try my hand at new things, particularly attempting to focus on writing my own original stories, but I've also been dabbling into other fandoms. I'm afraid that if I try to start another Twilight fic, it will fall short of my own harsh terms I hold myself too, and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Alia; a year, six months, and ten days ago (can't believe it's been so long), my father passed away. The pain of losing him was much more then I could handle then, and is only growing more and more each day as I face obstacles like graduating high school and moving away from home for the first time without him. Again, I'll be honest; I went to therapy to talk about my feelings with a lovely psychologist for over a year, before deciding that I didn't need anymore sessions in August. Lately I've been feeling like I made a grave mistake, and as my heart grows heavier and heavier with his absence, I don't think I'll be making it to Christmas without having a breakdown and needing to restart my therapy. I know when you set out with the innocent thought to ensure that I knew your thoughts, you didn't expect me to share all of this with you.

The truth, Alia, is that I've been holding this back from all of my readers. My readers who have been waiting patiently for updates that may never come, and never understanding just what is going on from my side of the screen. My life has been in ruins since May 1st of 2011, and I just don't know what to do. I felt that I had to say this to someone, to get it out there and off my chest so that I don't feel so bad about everything anymore, because I do feel bad. I feel bad everyday and I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling like this.

I'm sorry if this was too much to share, but I felt that you, Alia, and everybody else deserved it.

This next part, again, is not just for you; it's for everyone. I know that you specifically went to FF.net to find a surefire way to contact me. I'm going to let you, and everybody else, know that there are a couple of ways of contacting me, and you are free to choose whichever method you wish to do so.

Email: xlaraconners@live.co.uk
Twitter: @XlaraC
FanFiction: fanfiction.net/~xlarac
FictionPress: fictionpress.com/~xlarac

So, if you, Alia, or anybody else wishes to share their thoughts about my stories with me, or even just wants to say 'hi' every once in a while, feel free. My inbox is always open to each and every one of you.

Alia, I hope you see this. You're message, while simple, made me think of a lot of things today. Thank you, sincerely, for you message.

Remember me. xx

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